Keep your real friends close…

This is how I try to get out of doing things at work.
Well is seems as though I have a month or so off from work so I plan on being at least a little constructive.
Caution: This blog post is not for readers that have unrealistic views and opinions of the female body. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
I have decided to lose some weight. Or get fit. Whichever one comes first I suppose. Do you remember seeing these from the post just after the new year? Because this weight loss mumbo jumbo sounds familiar. There’s nothing like laying on your bed in your undies and such, as gravity takes as much of your body as it can to spread outward, to make those stretch marks very…obvious. I go through phases of putting cocoa butter on the bad areas to make already stretched marks look less noticable and to keep new ones from coming. I’m all about promoting elasticity. Haha.
Anywho, I’m tired of being overweight. It’s bad for me. I’m far from dead and all that negative stuff, but I could be doing much better. No, for the love of God this is not me conforming to Hollywood ideals and starving myself to become pencil thin. You’ve seen those little dogs they carry around. They’re skinny, and they always shiver! Besides, have you seen these hips? I’m destined to have NO LESS than 40 inch hips. I don’t want to be “skinny,” “hot,” or any of those things. I want to be HEALTHY. Due to my month long vacation/temporary lay-off from work, this seems like a good time to kick of a healthy lifestyle.
June seems to be a month of packed weekends for me. SupersecretHarryPotterParty, A birthday party, a field day, a fathers day, and maybe even a baby shower. OY! In between these loaded weekends I have days full of…nothing. Oh and I mean nothing.
I have to put this post on hold for now. I am going to Michael’s house to help him wash his dogs. Have I told you about his dogs? He has three black labs, and they all need a washin’. This is love people.
It’s almost time for anniversary number two. That isn’t a very long time in the grand scheme of things, but with so much going on in our lives with school and work and everything changing, this is a bit of a long time. Insert something cheesy: The beginning of forever, destiny, growing old together. Dum-dum-du-dumm, Dum, dum-du-dumm…
I don’t want to go spoiling the ending for you.

The lesson for today: Keep your real friends close, and keep your enemies on your Facebook friends list so that your happiness can cause them great discomfort, perhaps even indigestion.
Peace, Love, and Pudd’n Pops,
AMZ

Ice Cream Drama Queen

I have decided that I will no longer call people my friends. You see, whenever I call someone close to me a (good, best, awesome, you get the picture) friend, the forces of the universe decide to take my words, my simple expression, and make me pay. Friends will become develop assorted tensions, relationships will begin and end, drama will ensue! Crash! It will almost be as bad as the remake of “Clash of the Titans.” (There I said it, it’s out there now. That movie was terrible.)
The point is, I guess, that we all change. For the good or bad, that depends on the individual. But sometimes we change whether we know it or not. Maybe a silent parting and a summer break will fix the relationship and make it whole again, like day one. Maybe that has been tried before. Maybe there have already been so many summer breaks and there will only be so many more before the final parting…
I heard the suggestion of something along the lines of an ice-cream-I-hate-you-party. Where we, the cluster of feuding friends in question, chow down on our favorite ice creams and let loose the dormant feelings that we have hidden. Personally, I would go into that with an attitude. You would all have your giant Edy’s to share (spit, spoons, and swear words), and I would have one of those personal Ben and Jerry’s ice creams that only cost a buck. Yes, the one with the little spoon. Partly because my family is from Vermont, as are Ben and Jerry, so whenever I can show some pride for the Green Mountain State I will. Partly it is because I want my favorite flavor to myself, so the rest of you can suck moose tracks. It wouldn’t be the best attitude to go into a group intervention with.
Does anybody have some Ben and Jerry’s? I think it’s about damn time.
There is this sickening, winded feeling. Deep in my gut. It shortens my breath and makes me panic. I am looking side to side and everything appears to be normal, but that feeling remains. I feel like I am back in high school. Mumbling under your breath. Talking about her. Scoff. Ignore. Interrupt. I would like to go one day. No, I would love to go one day- where everyone I know feels like September. The newness of the fall semester, but the old comfort like your favorite pair of jeans that you know won’t let you down. But it is still only Spring, and we have blossomed a new boldness and contempt. We have to wait for the heat of Summer for the contempt to wither.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what not to day. According to John Mayer, I should say what I need to say. But saying what you need to say is easier said than done.
Peace, Love, and Pudd’n Pops,
AMZ